Let go, forgive, turn back and try again.

I don't exactly remember how I got into gaming but

the first online game I ever got sucked into was Conquer Online.

(no shame, i was once a gamer lol)

After making friends from all over the world on there,

I can stayed up all the way till the sun rises and then go to bed

because i'll get scolded if anybody sees me still on the computer.

I was, say, 10 or 11 when it started?

It is one game that I would go back to in a heartbeat

if the same people are still on it and if it's not as shitty as it is now

(assume it is because the last time I went back on was years ago

and I hated it since everybody used real money to buy shit

and was owning everybody they can ever lay their cursor on).

Long story short, someone I met on CO told me this one line

which changed me forever.

"It's ok to let go."

She was referring to the game, of course,

since I was so addicted to it and it was like my life,

but then I realized it helped me make a lot of decisions in my life

years down the road with that sentence lingering in my head every now and then.

That, I am forever grateful for. 

Wherever you are, Faye, I hope you are doing well.

If you married that guy you were with,

I hope it was the right decision and nothing like what you talked about

that one night.

And i'm miserably sorry that those are the only two things I remember

of you.

_____________________________________________________________

I stayed away for awhile,

from a few of my friends and i'm glad I did,

it did us good, I promise.

Being away for awhile from people who have direct or indirect relations
to your troubles gives you clarity.

Since I have terrible memory,

sometimes I think things through and decide on what should be done

and then forget about it forever till something or someone reminds me of them again.

I over think, so I usually think from a lot of perspectives because

I believe in varying truth.

What someone else might believe in doesn't mean it's what i'll see,

because people see things the way they are,

the way they are made or how they grow up to become who they are now.

Those are our solid foundations that we see things from, or understand things.

But then I thought that wouldn't be fair, so different perspectives 

might give me better answers, the answers that I need.

Of course, this includes a lot of assumptions since I can't always get answers

from people personally but desperately need or I can't move on, 

so I give them to myself.

This is how I end up forgiving people,

to err is human.

Because i'm a huge mess, emotionally wrecked,

I screw up a lot,

I tend to forgive people as much.

Because after all, we screw up all the damn time,

it's up to people to see if we are worth keeping or not

and those are the ones who forgive and let go.

The genuine ones I mean,

the ones who have seen you in your worst times

and are still around because 

you are worth it.

I believe everybody I choose to let enter my life

are worth keeping.

Unless you did something unforgivable by me

at that very point of time in my life,

when I haven't have that big a heart to forgive you,

you will probably be forgiven a few years later.

So worry about it for a few years then let it go ya.

_________________________________________________________

There is this thing too, I always forget my point of telling/saying things.

Like it's all pointless at the end because I forgot why I said those things

in the first place.

I have a bad habit of explaining myself too much too?

But that's just me.

My foundation.