Those talks.

The ones where you discuss with someone about
matters that affect people's lives,
their growth,
who they are and will become.
I love those talks.
It's like human analysis but not so vague,
you know?
I love finding out what the other party thinks,
how very.. interesting.
Because what the other person have been through
or how they built their foundation
and their principles, how they think
led them to having different analysis
for different things.
Does it not fascinate you that
(although, of course, I don't always agree with them)
those words that came out of their mouth,
which might or might not have been thought through
thoroughly over and over again,
they are part of them.
Those words are part of somebody.
And then from different people,
with all these talks,
I grew so much too.

I miss those talks.

You
(whoever I've talked to, in any part of my life)
will forever be a part of me
(as long as I remember your words)
be it in a good way, a bad way,
or in a way that was unintended.

P.S.
If anybody taught me anything,
you taught me a lot.
You tore me apart and I learnt how to be
a better person from that.
I don't hate you,
so how are you doing now?
If I ever see you again,
I'm not sure how I'll react.
But will I
ever see you again?

P.P.S.
Current fave.!!!!!!!!
Just feel the beat man,
if it doesn't make you want to
groove or dance to it then.
then.
yeah ok can. no forvermo.
(SKIP TO 0:48!)

The idea of

you, reading my blog,
and then probably showing it to that someone
and probably bad mouthing about me?
Uncomfortable.
Very uncomfortable.
But then again, what else can you do.
Even if this is me over thinking,
I have my reasons.

Why do people not get their facts right
and be their ignorant selves
just so they can bring someone down
the way they want to?
Makes you feel like you are right?
Makes you feel superior?
I do all the assumptions and over thinking too
(I'm a huge flaw myself, I don't deny that)
but I would never, ever insult anybody
in any way they don't deserve to be insulted.
I can hate someone but I don't think that someone
should be called fat or ugly, you know what I'm saying?
if I were to use the word ugly on someone I hate,
it would most probably be used describing
his or her heart.
Unless I was called ugly by that person
then it's fine to call that person ugly too right.


"When someone hurts you, you learn to be stronger.
When someone leaves you, you learn to be more independent."

Sometimes it scares me how strong I am
and how independent I can be
because, what if one day I decide to be by myself
forever?
What if one day I decide it's time I left everyone?
What if one day I grow so cold, I no longer need people.

I'm scared,
terrified.
I can no longer talk about what I feel exactly.
I hope someone can change that soon.
I hope this time,
it's someone who would stay.


So drained,
don't know what to think
don't know what I'm thinking.
can't think straight.

waiting for my not-so-triangle triangle man :)
pivot.

Goodnight, love.
I hope you dream of that one dream
that makes you laugh so hard in it
that wakes you up and you continue laughing hard.

PEEKTURE FLOOD

Well, this is going to be long.

Met Charleen for ChompChomp a few days ago!

Asked her on the day we got our results because I was starving

and want dinner

and since I was talking to her

and we wanted to go again previously,

she wasn't free so we went the day after.

Yeah, we're probably jumping to the newton one the next time.

Why do people tend to order more than they can eat? 

 She was craving for the cotton candy one

and i, of course, couldn't resist -____-

_______________________________________________

THE DAY FINALLY CAME!

Met both ipah AND JM!!!

So hard to meet them both at the same time know >:(

Killed a lot of my brain cells talking that day.

JM tried to treat us but no. hahaha

Destroyed her plan.

Thanks though :*

And yes, ipah, you really are a good friend :>

So we're meeting on a tuesday with some orange juice, right?!

kekekeke

After that, went home and napped, then packed the house a little

because

CHARLEEN WAS STAYING OVER!!!

AHHHH!!!!!

Was damn excited?!

Because i don't usually invite people over,

let alone asking anybody to stay over.

And since she wanted to see the dogs,

didn't really have time in the day too,

not nice to ask her to go all the way back home after

coming over for awhile only right.

My chain of excitement (lol) broke when

i had a really bad hunch,

like i felt terrible and it wasn't right at all.

Actually, i already felt it when i asked her if she wanted

to stay over the day before, before we parted.

But i usually don't know why i feel like that

and i don't know what's going to happen,

so i didnt say anything until

she was about to prepare and head over to meet me.

And usually if i feel that terrible,

sometimes something really happens,

or it always does and it's affecting me but

not directly or physically maybe?

i dont know man.

So i asked her to decide if she still wants to come

and she asked me to ignore my bad feelings

'cos she's coming for me!
then i got excited again!

AHHAHAAJAJAJAJA

:*

We met at white sands

since she wanted the matcha oreo mcflurry(?)

ate at mcd's then went to NTUC to get some stuff for breakfast the next day

and some snacks.

Fairy is hopeless,

i think if i were to call her,

and some stranger with food in his/her hand was to call her too

she would probably run to the stranger eagerly -_____- 

Watched half of Alice in Wonderland

and got sleepy so we slept at around 5+ (i think)

She's like the first person to ever sleep on my side of the bed

invited.

My side of the bed is like untouchable, or rather used to be,

unless it's my aunt who just sleeps on our bed when she comes over

or i'd be screaming at anyone else who goes onto my side lol

my hygiene level of OCD for my bed was terrible,

it's better now so... ^^'

THENNNNNN

holyshit

I just opened my eyes at about 12ish and then not long after

my mom opens the door and tells me

(and Charleen, directly indirectly)

that my 2nd uncle and aunt,

who migrated to Australia really long ago and

used to come stay over at our place often

but then stopped like 5 years ago,

was at punggol and reaching our place soon.

So we were told to run some errands,

go get some food to go with the noodles they were cooking,

pronto.

Say, coincident? 

So this is like our nicer out-of-bed look.

Yeah, no, nobody likes their out-of-bed look.

It was bloooooody hot.

Our breakfast plan was ruined because

we had yummy noodles instead :0

After they left,

decided to go to ikeaaaaa!!

 :D

it's fun to have somebody to go there with me

and we would discuss about what he/she wants in their future home.

can't remember when was the last time that happened

before Charleen! :*

walked like.. the entire ikea!

 Then it was time to go.

I decided to take a walk home.

Was dying from exhaustion already

Fairy slept beside me and slowly slid downwards

and her nose was against my leg hahaha

not sure how she breathed so i moved

It's always nice to cuddle

x

________________________________________________________________

The oil lamp somehow caught fire

and my mom freaked out lol

_____________________________________________

My cousin was flying off on Saturday

So my aunt and uncle treated us to seafood

friday night!

The grands.

BUTTER CRAB!!!!!!!

NIAMNIAMNIAMNIAMNOMS

BUNS!!!

My love for bread :')

If there were buns and crab left,

i would go for the buns.

dip them in sauces.

Ate till i looked 4-5 months pregnant that night.

<3

See you next year, Gwen! :D

____________________________________________

I laughed really hard at this hahahahaha

"if you like me, i'll literally never realize it until you tell me, "I like you"

and even then I'm still not sure"

____________________________________________________

This is me

and it's been terrible

trying to fix myself now,

i guess it's working a little.

stay safe

xx

Everytime I make a decision to move forward,
my new decision causes me to think back a alot,
like a whole lot.
And now I'm stuck here again,
in this aching heart.
When can I ever, please, learn to let go?

I hate this pain that I always let myself inflict upon myself.
I hate over thinking, which I can't help.
I hate meeting new people
and then I let them into my life and they decide
it's fine to just walk out of it
when I don't want them to.
I hate being in this broken state.

Tomorrow, I'm dreading tomorrow.
Gum op.

At least today was good until Charleen left,
I'll blog about today, say,
tomorrow or sometime soon. :)

May things get better, please?
Pretty, pretty please.

P.S. Thank you, for loving me. 

I don't understand.
And I guess I never will.

Thought this is necessary so.

I know i didn't exactly make myself clear 

why i just backed off for a period of time

and i only pointed out what i was very uncomfortable with

and wasn't being very nice.

I'm sorry for that.

But thank you for the effort 

the three of you put in 

for the i-was-being-a-prick me.

Heh sorry. :(

Let go, forgive, turn back and try again.

I don't exactly remember how I got into gaming but

the first online game I ever got sucked into was Conquer Online.

(no shame, i was once a gamer lol)

After making friends from all over the world on there,

I can stayed up all the way till the sun rises and then go to bed

because i'll get scolded if anybody sees me still on the computer.

I was, say, 10 or 11 when it started?

It is one game that I would go back to in a heartbeat

if the same people are still on it and if it's not as shitty as it is now

(assume it is because the last time I went back on was years ago

and I hated it since everybody used real money to buy shit

and was owning everybody they can ever lay their cursor on).

Long story short, someone I met on CO told me this one line

which changed me forever.

"It's ok to let go."

She was referring to the game, of course,

since I was so addicted to it and it was like my life,

but then I realized it helped me make a lot of decisions in my life

years down the road with that sentence lingering in my head every now and then.

That, I am forever grateful for. 

Wherever you are, Faye, I hope you are doing well.

If you married that guy you were with,

I hope it was the right decision and nothing like what you talked about

that one night.

And i'm miserably sorry that those are the only two things I remember

of you.

_____________________________________________________________

I stayed away for awhile,

from a few of my friends and i'm glad I did,

it did us good, I promise.

Being away for awhile from people who have direct or indirect relations
to your troubles gives you clarity.

Since I have terrible memory,

sometimes I think things through and decide on what should be done

and then forget about it forever till something or someone reminds me of them again.

I over think, so I usually think from a lot of perspectives because

I believe in varying truth.

What someone else might believe in doesn't mean it's what i'll see,

because people see things the way they are,

the way they are made or how they grow up to become who they are now.

Those are our solid foundations that we see things from, or understand things.

But then I thought that wouldn't be fair, so different perspectives 

might give me better answers, the answers that I need.

Of course, this includes a lot of assumptions since I can't always get answers

from people personally but desperately need or I can't move on, 

so I give them to myself.

This is how I end up forgiving people,

to err is human.

Because i'm a huge mess, emotionally wrecked,

I screw up a lot,

I tend to forgive people as much.

Because after all, we screw up all the damn time,

it's up to people to see if we are worth keeping or not

and those are the ones who forgive and let go.

The genuine ones I mean,

the ones who have seen you in your worst times

and are still around because 

you are worth it.

I believe everybody I choose to let enter my life

are worth keeping.

Unless you did something unforgivable by me

at that very point of time in my life,

when I haven't have that big a heart to forgive you,

you will probably be forgiven a few years later.

So worry about it for a few years then let it go ya.

_________________________________________________________

There is this thing too, I always forget my point of telling/saying things.

Like it's all pointless at the end because I forgot why I said those things

in the first place.

I have a bad habit of explaining myself too much too?

But that's just me.

My foundation.