After.

Those in-your-head conversations you have with yourself
after an incident which you try to replay the conversation in your head,
which includes a lot of self bias in it of course,
and then you wonder. you just wonder and
regret not having said those things you could have said better.

What if.
What if we did say those new conversations
in the first place,
would things turn out the way it still did?
Or would it open another door instead of the one
that opened after the conversation ended.

And if it did open a new door,
will i become a better person then?

Will i be able to love myself more?
Will i think that the world is uglier or
it isn't as ugly as what i find it to be now
after finding out that it's all big fat lies?


What are we controlled by?