Little bits.

*warning, can be too eye rolling if you do not like me cos it's about ME*

So today, right today, i found out that i like my own company more than
i like it when i'm with other people.
When i'm with myself (wouldn't say all alone unless i really feel lonely),
i can decide things and think louder than when i'm with people,
so my thoughts are actually clearer.
I don't have to worry about another being or be worried about other beings
worrying about me or judging me.
I turned 21 this year, it took me so long for me to be really comfortable with myself.
Did everybody go through the same stages?
Struggling with self hate, criticising yourself in your head, hating life in general
because you hate yourself?
Harsh thought, scared thoughts, paranoid thoughts.
WHY didn't you love yourself, even a little bit, back then?
I don't exactly love myself as a whole yet, but i'm well on my way there.
Soooo many pimples on my face? it's k su an, no worries, life goes on.
Didn't get what you wanted? it's k su an, no worries, you can get it next time if you still want it.
Didn't eat that plate of fried food you were dying for? it's k su an, healthier choices is gud.
Fell out with people? it's k su an, no worries, learn and move forward, DO NOT EVER stay there mentally for way too long till you literally drain yourself of energy.
Friends angry at you for your decisions? it's k su an, if they understand, they wouldn't be angry. so don't need care la huh just move on. life is better that way.
Feel bad that you're missing out but really need to rest? My dear Su An, PLEASE rest. Please just rest when you can, you may fuck things up real bad when you don't have enough rest.
idk man, all these years, i only learnt these after i started to love myself.
Since young, all my thoughts were really harsh, dark, and deathly
so i cannot get rid of this real, harsh talk anymore. (or maybe i can in the far future)
And that made me realise people are going to misunderstand me a lot,
and they might not be able to take what i have to say, so might as well not.
People drain me, people are to tiring to be around all the time
although i do love the service industry but it's not all rainbow, glitters, and butterflies.
I love people and i hate them, or rather i hate the society. not too sure about that, unconfirmed.

What i'm trying to say is LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF more,
the more you love yourself, the better it is for others around you too.
or not, in my case lolololol ignorance and no flying fucks given is not necessarily working for others.

but hey, i made my life easier compared to the past. :)