i'm a mess

i hit the last straw.

i just need a shoulder to lean on,

someone to rely on,

who i can have deep conversations with,

y'know?

i'm getting so sick of sponging everything in

and feel the need to take care of others

or tend to their needs and wants,

it's wearing me out so bad that

my ignorance is surfacing so fast 

and in a hot and cold manner.

i can't do this. 

i think i try to find comfort in people

and i do

but they either leave or 

in the end i realize

i need more than this.

I really, really miss

having deep, thoughtful conversations.

I hate school, i hate exams,

it's driving me into this mundane insanity. 

and i don't have the time to sit with the people

who can absorb my sorrow

and share sad quiet conversations with,

to share my life with. 

i'm alive,

but not sure if i'm living.

"it's not much of a life you're living"