i'm a mess

i hit the last straw.

i just need a shoulder to lean on,

someone to rely on,

who i can have deep conversations with,

y'know?

i'm getting so sick of sponging everything in

and feel the need to take care of others

or tend to their needs and wants,

it's wearing me out so bad that

my ignorance is surfacing so fast 

and in a hot and cold manner.

i can't do this. 

i think i try to find comfort in people

and i do

but they either leave or 

in the end i realize

i need more than this.

I really, really miss

having deep, thoughtful conversations.

I hate school, i hate exams,

it's driving me into this mundane insanity. 

and i don't have the time to sit with the people

who can absorb my sorrow

and share sad quiet conversations with,

to share my life with. 

i'm alive,

but not sure if i'm living.

"it's not much of a life you're living"

is it my thoughts
that are suffocating me
to have this heavy heart
carried around by
but an empty shell.

or

is it my thoughts
that are clear of
what i want
to only be saddened by
what i cannot have.

-----------------------------------

I've been dreaming lately,
they're not decent, not nice.
We die.
Not exactly, but about to.
There is always a companion for me
in those unclear, bad dreams,
and our near future
or rather just mine
is death.
odd.
so is it change that's coming
or am i suppose to break out of this
suffocation?

Miracle In Cell No.7

Just watched this and, seriously, this is THE movie.

It's funny and then it's horribly, terribly sad.

Laugh awhile and then prepare some tissue too?

Because you might end up crying throughout half the movie

like i did.

My eyes are in pain, too much tears.

It's 4.15 now,

goodnight.

WATCH IT!!!!!!!!!

YOU WILL NOT REGRET!!!!!!!