突然觉得自己好像有点长大了，突然觉得离童年越来越远了。从小到大还是一样的想找一个能陪伴我玩，哄我开心的人。这永远不会改变，而变的是游戏和游戏规矩，可是大人的游戏啊。。我玩不起。能回到童年吗？

What if, let's say there a millions of other planets and stars out there, similar but different from ours.
And basically maybe, the almighty beings up there is like overseeing everything, just like playing The Sims but on a bigger scale.
We are all sims and they're just trying to find an answer to which type of planet survival or types of beings are the best, and they'll use that as their main.. products or something for who knows what reason. Evolution?
Like having us reproduce and all to build this world, just to see who does better in living.

Or maybe the earthly matters doesn't matter as much because it's the afterlife that matters,
like if you have a test in the afterlife and you pass the test, you don't have to come back.
Maybe life is like a study for the test?

so what is life????

Who would have known, or at least guess, something like that would happen to them.
I think if anything, we've hit one of the lowest in life because this is the first struggle like this
we've ever faced, as a big whole family.
we have people in other countries struggling, we have people here struggling,
and we have that one person who is really going to struggle for his life.
Nobody could have guessed it and nobody (of course, because it's not normal)
would have suspected himself or herself to be stuck in this situation.

And then I'm another problem, just hope that things doesn't take a turn for the worse.
Or we would really be struggling so badly..

But why?
How?
Is this really all predestined by our past lives, just so we could come here to repay our debts?
If it's really unavoidable,

may he fight for his life with whatever he have.
And hopefully they don't find any C stuff while I'm unconscious.

May we all fight for our lives and hopefully,
for the better days ahead!

So today this guy appeared in front of me out of the blue
and said "wait.. i just.. wait..."
and i think recently some weird guy appeared in front of me
so my natural instant was to get out of there.
But today, idk man, the guy looked like her ran after me
but i rudely told him i was going to work
(which he happened to stop me right outside the store?)
and walked away from him and into the store.
i feel like a total asshole. i'm sorry whoever you are. :(
there could be so many reasons for you to have ran after me
like to tell me my flyer was down or i dropped something or
like where to buy my cardigan or whatever else.
But i didn't leave any room for you to talk cos you were catching your breath and i was an asshole.
i feel really bad now lol......

but i think in any situation, if i am on my feet
and i can walk off from that spot
and someone stopped me in my track,
i will most probably walk away..
my brain cannot understand why i am stopped and
today was bad because i was going into work,
so my brain couldn't understand why i was stopped at that moment.
urgh.
so sorry man.....

Stuck.

I think i'm having my 1/3 life crisis now.
I feel so stuck.
So i've completed my diploma course a couple of months back
like FINALLY
but then since i've failed so many times in diploma,
the thought of uni scares me now.
I can't sit and study something i'm not interested in,
and even if i can, i might not be able to memorise it.
I know, i know, if you understand it, you will remember.
But that's not how it works for me, i can even forget my daily routine and miss a step.
I can understand but forget how to put it into words.

I want to do so many things and getting a degree is one of them,
but just the thought of it feels like a anchor punching right into my heart
and dragging it down. the thought itself is so heavy.
it's pressured into thinking that i want to do it,
but i don't.
i want to learn but i don't want to study something that i have to retake several times
and trying to get that piece of paper that doesn't relate to my future job.

why am i stuck in this society?
but aren't we all.